Now that's funny

Now that's funny

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Has this ever happened to you?

YOU: Why did the chicken cross the road?

OTHER PERSON: I don't know.

YOU: To get to the other side.

OTHER PERSON: I don't get it.

To me, there's nothing more frustrating than telling someone a funny joke like that, and then they say, "I don't get it."

Thankfully, I'm here to help. For I will not rest until every joke told is laughed at.

You see, while many have mastered the art of telling a good joke, very few of us have perfected the art of explaining a good joke. 

A Good Joke Explained Well can lead to fun and merriment for someone who moments earlier, felt lost, embarrassed and dumb as a brick.

Given the chance, I believe each and every one of us can help the joke-impaired spread their wings.

The fact is, other than watching a mean person get blindsided by a semi-tractor trailer, nothing is more satisfying than a getting a laugh out of a Good Joke Explained Well. And quite frankly, oftentimes a Good Joke Explained Well can be even funnier than the original joke, because once the joke tellee recalls the joke with a clear understanding, the humor is even more intense.

What I'd like to do with the rest of our time together is offer some examples of Good Jokes Explained Well.

Clearly, it would be impossible to go into a detailed explanation of every joke ever told. 

However, by presenting an array of humor over a broad variety of subjects and categories, I believe that today you'll gain a basic knowledge and appreciation for Good Joke Explaining that you can use in everyday life.

I encourage you to spend some time with the following examples and try to understand some of the fundamentals of Joke Explaining. 

Perhaps someday soon, you too can aid another who has not been blessed with the joke gene.

Class is now in session. Kindly take a seat on your whoopee cushion.



Q: What does it say at the top of a Polish ladder?

A: Stop!


Although this joke is short in words, it's in need of a lengthy explanation, for it is quite deep on many levels. 

To begin, as a general rule of thumb, you must make the broad assumption that all people of Polish descent are stupid, moronic idiots. This is the basic premise of all Polish humor. Given the chance, Polacks (which is a derivation of "a stupid, moronic idiot Polish person") will do the dumbest thing one can do at all times. 

Additionally, Polacks all have the remarkable ability to misunderstand virtually anything said to them, and then act accordingly. (They'll put a telephone pole all the way into the ground, they'll drink pine tar, they'll have sex with a farm animal, etc., etc.)

Excellent! Now that we've gathered a basic understanding of the stupid moronic idiocy of all Polish people, let's more closely examine this particular joke.


Q: What does it say at the top of a Polish ladder?

A: Stop!


Using some recall from your general knowledge base, you hopefully know that a ladder is often used as a climbing device in a variety of home and work situations.

Undoubtedly, you also remember that the bottom of a ladder must be placed on the ground, and then the top is placed against the side of what you are climbing.

An office building. A tree. A second-story window looking into the bathroom of a sorority house.

If you've ever actually climbed a ladder, you also know that once you get to the top of the ladder, there is no more ladder to climb. In fact, the only place to go on the ladder is down. If you attempt to go up on the ladder when there's no more ladder to go up on, you will fall and in all likelihood, hurt your elbow or become a paraplegic. 

Hopefully, this is making sense. Because now comes the difficult part. 

Now, you must combine your knowledge of Polack humor and your comprehension of ladder mechanics!

A ladder ends at the top of the ladder. Everyone with a working knowledge of ladders should know this. However, Polacks by their very nature are stupid, moronic idiots. So there's an excellent chance that they would be unaware of this seemingly obvious fact. By putting the word "Stop!" at the top of a Polack's ladder, the Polack will clearly understand that they shouldn't take another step. Even though anyone other than a stupid, moronic idiot Polack would know this without needing to read the word "Stop!"

Most assuredly you're laughing now. Because it all came together in a perfect display of humor at its finest, didn't it?

As you can see, by breaking down all facets of a joke, the joke teller can clearly assist the joke tellee in understanding and appreciating the humor.

Without question, once you've explained a funny joke like this to someone who may not have gotten the humor initially, they would now be thinking, "That was one funny joke. And my God, are those Polacks stupid moronic idiots or what?"

Let's continue, shall we?



A car runs into the rear of the car in front waiting at a stoplight. A gay man jumps out and screams, "My car! Look at what you did. I'm going to sue you for five thousand dollars!"

"Five thousand dollars!" yells the other driver in amazement. "All I did was dent your bumper. You can kiss my ass!"

"Well, well," the gay man smiles, "maybe we can settle this out of court."


It's important to note that for any joke about homosexuals to be funny, the joke must make reference to another man's ass. Because it's a fact that homosexuals are extremely interested in other men's asses.

In the joke above, there is a definite reference to a man's ass. Specifically, "kissing a man's ass." The irony of the joke, however, is that the man who is saying "kiss my ass" is not saying "kiss my ass" in the way that the homosexual man was wishing that he were saying "kiss my ass." He's simply saying "kiss my ass" to tell the homosexual man that there's not a chance in the world he'll pay $5,000 for a little dent on a bumper.

The other thing to remember about homosexual men is that they are extremely horny and they usually spend every waking second thinking about other men's asses. This too, is a true fact, Jack. So unfortunately, when the man said, "kiss my ass," that was akin to throwing fuel on a burning fire.

A burning, ass-craving fire.

In retrospect, the straight man probably should have said, "Five thousand dollars! All I did was dent your bumper. You can rot in hell before I give you that money!"

But in truth, he probably didn't know that the man he hit was a homosexual who would literally want to "kiss his ass." (And who knows what else?)

Besides, then it wouldn't have been a very funny joke, now would it?



Q: How does a boy from West Virginia fake an orgasm?

A: He spits on his sister's back.


Two areas need to be discussed here. 

First of all, there is a common belief that out of all the states in the United States, the state of West Virginia has the highest percentage of family members having sexual intercourse with each other. 

No one is truly sure how or why this became a common belief. But nevertheless, it's as true as the sky is blue. As such, it's the general basis for all West Virginia jokes.

Additionally, it's important to remember that West Virginia is also a state filled with ignorant hillbillies.

Wherever you go in West Virginia, you'll find people who have no regard for decorum, honor or public decency. So anything that one would consider shocking or immoral in any place other than West Virginia is considered commonplace within the state boundaries of West Virginia.

Keeping those two points in mind -- sex with family members is a good thing and that all West Virginians are ignorant hillbillies -- let's examine the joke one more time.


Q: How does a boy from West Virginia fake an orgasm?

A: He spits on his sister's back.


Interestingly, not only is the ignorant hillbilly boy having anal sex with his ignorant hillbilly sister, but in the true spirit of being an ignorant hillbilly, he spits on her. 

Clearly, spitting is something that ignorant hillbillies do. But to spit on someone's back in the middle of anal sex -- regardless of the fact that it's sex with a family member -- most certainly reinforces the West Virginia stereotype. 

There's also the additional subtext of the joke that the ignorant hillbilly boy can't even ejaculate during anal sex. Further proof yet that West Virginians are ignorant hillbillies. Because everyone ejaculates during anal sex.

Suddenly, a confusing series of words becomes one darned funny joke.


This could go on for hours. As you can see, there are literally hundreds of millions of jokes to be told, explained and laughed at. 

And while there are countless other categories, hopefully you can see that with a simple, rational explanation, any joke can become the joke it was intended to be.

I urge each and every one of you to keep in mind that today -- more than ever -- people need to laugh.

So don't give up. Don't ever give up.

The next time you tell a joke and you get silence and a blank stare back, don't be afraid. 

Explain it. 

And if they still don't laugh, just tell a joke about a cheap Jew. 

Christ, everybody laughs at those.

Including me. And I'm a cheap Jew.


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