Larry the Cable Guy Gits Us Done
Interview date: 05/20/05
If the Blue Collar guys were the Beatles, Larry the Cable Guy would be Paul, the fan favorite who gives the people what they want. He even writes silly love songs (check out the song at the end of his new album,The Right to Bare Arms). Bullz-Eye recently caught up with Larry, in the midst of his US tour, and had a severely punctuation–and spelling–challenged email chat with him (cleaned up below). At the risk of embarrassing him, we’re going to assume that his hotel room was on fire while he was typing.
Bullz-Eye: So where in the world are you right now?
Larry the Cable Guy: I’m in Sanford, Florida, and just shaved the dogs and checked my girlfriend for ticks.
BE: What is the biggest thing that has changed since the Blue Collar DVD took off?
LTCG: I got a new set of 38 Mickies for my truck. Other than that, nothin', but for God’s sake, ain’t 38 Mickies enough? I don’t want to get too uppity!
BE: What have you added to your concert rider that would have been a pipe dream pre-Blue Collar? (e.g. Jack Daniels, M&M’s with the brown ones picked out, etc.)
LTCG: Ya know, I’m not too difficult. I really only ask for Beam and Coke in case we have some guests, but as far as I go I just want bottled water, a little Coors Light, and the video “Backdoor Stewardesses”! (I’m just kiddin', I never asked for bottled water.)
BE: Compared to the shellacking that Bill Engvall and Ron White suffered at the hands of Lisa Lampanelli at Jeff Foxworthy’s roast, you got off pretty easy. Did you slip her a twenty, or are you two dating in secrecy?
LTCG: We dated in the late '80s and I have a lot of shit on her! Okay, we never dated but I have a lot of shit on her. Okay, I have nothing on her. Who is she anyway? Lisa is my friend, I have no idea, I guess she wanted to give me a pass. I love Lisa, she’s a riot. I know I don’t want to get on her bad side!
BE: Have you found it easier or harder to meet women, thanks to your “Git ‘er done” catch phrase?
LTCG: Not really. If I was gonna use a good pickup line it would be the old reliable, "Hey, I know Carrot Top!"
BE: You have fun at the expense of nearly every minority group in existence on your new album. Who’s hit back the hardest, the advocates for gays, the mentally disabled, or Hooter’s waitresses?
LTCG: None, but one time I had a retarded gay Hooter’s waitress call me a dickweed. Come to think of it, she yelled it every seven seconds for no reason at all, along with the words "bowling shoes," so she might not have even been talkin' to me, I couldn’t tell. Great butt, though.
BE: How much do Dan Whitney (Larry’s real name) and Larry the Cable Guy have in common, if anything?
LTCG: We both like graham crackers and frosting.
BE: Tell us one thing about the Blue Collar guys that the public doesn’t know.
LTCG: Bill Engvall loves heavy metal and used to play drums for Saigon Kick in ‘87.
Jeff Foxworthy’s real name is Hyman Stein and (he) has never eaten grits!
Ron White once thought he saw the Virgin Mary in a bag of pot!
Even though I am doing well in standup, everyone close to me knows all I ever wanted to do is dance!
BE: You wrote a funny ditty at the end of Right to Bare Arms. Is there an album of Larry the Cable Guy songs in the works?
LTCG: Believe me, a whole album of songs from me would ruin the music business. I have, however, tried to sell a few to Alan Jackson. I had three: one called, "Your Sweet Butt Made an Ass out of Me," “Lookin' for a Perfect 10 in a Motel 6," and finally the one that'll really hit the charts, “My Good Hearted Woman Just Had Her Third Heart Attack."