Miller Chill: A New Low
07/13/2007
Beer Home / Vices Channel / Bullz-Eye Home
If you are interested in beer, and I must presume you are, you should skip this review. This is not a beer review. What I’ll attempt to describe here is a substance called Miller Chill. It is not really beer, in the true sense, and should never be confused for one.
I’m told Mexican resorts, some even in Mexico itself, have discovered they can pass off the most god-awful piss water as an ‘authentic’ beverage if they just douse it in lime juice and serve it in a salt-rimmed glass. Idiot gringos buy into this rubbish, and happily lap it up--to the never ending amusement of the Mexican barmen, no doubt.
Now, our own Miller Brewing Company is attempting the same fraud here. They’re calling it ‘chelada-style’ beer. Whatever that is. The reality is, it’s much closer to a beer tinged lime soda than an actual beer.
Presumably, Miller mix up a batch of their weakest, blandest light beer; dump in so much lime flavoring that almost all traces of ‘beer’ are masked; then make sure all stubborn remnants of ‘beer’ are completely eliminated by tossing in a hefty dose of salt to boot. The result is something that a typical 14 year old girl might concoct if she was forced to use Miller Lite as the base for her Barbie beach party punch.
It would probably go well with a big, pink cotton candy.
If you don’t like beer, don’t drink the damn stuff. Don’t shove limes and salt in it. Don’t put oranges in it. Find something you do like and drink that instead. Beer is not a mixed drink. Beers aren’t meant to have chunks of fruit and pretty umbrellas floating on top. If that’s what you want, those drinks are on the menu somewhere other than the part labeled ’beers’. Let the brewers in this country concentrate on making beer. Their trying to come up with something you might fancy is distracting them from their calling. Namely, making decent beer for people that actually like beer.
All that said, I should mention that this beverage isn’t the worst tasting thing you’ll ever get down your neck. It’s just not a proper beer. If you want a beer, this is not what you want to reach for. If you want to get drunk on lime soda--Miller Chill is probably for you. It’ll take some time with the puny 4.2% alcohol, though, and you’ll probably get sick of the cloying taste well before you get to that point. Finish the job with the margarita you really must have wanted all along.
It’s a rare beer that can make a Coors Light look manly. Miller Chill pulls it off. Salt and lime have no place in a respectable beer, no matter what the marketers tell you. If you have to mask it with that stuff, either the beer is awful or you hate beer. This is just a gimmick and will soon pass, I’m sure. If you really do like beer and are just looking for something interesting with more flavor, there are many decent beers out there. Keep looking. If you just want something in a cute green bottle to help wash down that cotton candy, this ’so-called’ beer is probably what you’ve been looking for.
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